Let happiness come from you before you seek others to make you happy.
I love this quote by Abraham Hicks. Happiness is just a string of happy moments. But most people aren't aware of the happy moments, because they're too busy trying to have a happy life.
Children's existence is a string of happy moments. My 3 year-old great grandson came over to our house with his mother, the other day and almost the entire time he was here he was happy. We adults did any distracting him away from his happy play, mostly to minimize messes and keep him safe. Children have a natural desire to have fun and as we grow up, we douse our happiness with being adults.
What's exciting to me is, we can be adults and follow all the adult rules, but that child in us can help us be aware of the happy moments that bombard us every day. June is filled with potential happy moments just waiting to be had, but if we get too busy, too adult, the happy gifts of June will be gone and then there'll be July to miss.
I met Nelly in 2002. She’s my inner child and constant companion, I discovered that keeping in touch with Nelly helps me catch lots of those happy moments, and when a few hours go by and I haven’t heard from her, I do as any mother would do; I check up on her.
I might ask myself, “Is something bothering you little girl? You don’t seem very happy right now.” If I’m still and listen, I’ll get an answer that would've remained unexpressed had I not questioned myself.
When children are ignored, whether they are real or within, they want attention and they will get it.
I remember one year at a family Thanksgiving feast, the adults were chatting away about adult things and, when there was a lull in the conversation, our grandson Tanner (who was five at the time) said, “Let’s talk about me now.” We all laughed and focused our attention on him. He was so happy to get to talk about Tanner! His innocent desire to be part of the party was stunning to me.
Before I met Nelly I was like Tanner needing attention, only I was 59. I’d be in a conversation with someone and while he or she was talking, I’d be planning what I was going to tell and sometimes not even hearing what the person talking said. I have since learned that when I pay attention to Nelly, I don’t need attention from others.
I love to meet a new person and see how much I can learn without him or her learning anything about me. It’s fun to conduct sort of an untelevised talk show in which I’m the interviewer with a guest on my show. I’m sure you’ve had one-way conversations like that.
When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention by being kind and compassionate to YOU. Be your own best friend and the next time you’re in a two-way conversation, you’ll really be able to listen to the other person.
A Nasty Email
I received a nasty email from an angry woman (actually I think her inner child wrote it).
“Inner child, inner schmild!!! I don’t get this inner child thing!!! I don’t have time to do justice to my real kids let alone some fantasy inner kid in me!!! What if I don’t have an inner child? Why do I care anyway? Aren’t you just blaming your bad behavior on somebody else when you say your inner child made you do it? The whole thing sounds a little psychitzo to me!!!” Jessica
It’s very seldom I receive cranky emails like Jessica’s, but when I do, Nelly begs to answer them. I usually don’t let her, because here’s what she’d have said to this woman (and then we’d be in trouble for her childish outburst):
“How does it feel to use up your allotment of exclamation marks for the month? Just shut the fuss up and stop with the exclamation marks!!!!!!!” Nelly
When I received the above email, Nelly must have been napping, because all that came to my mind was how much my life has changed since I met her. By the way, I don’t “blame” Nelly for inappropriate behavior, like say I bought a pair of shoes I really don’t need and it wasn’t in my budget. I address the “behavior” as inappropriate and I get to the source of the behavior which is usually that of a child. “Nelly, I’m sorry I went shopping when I needed a nap and hadn’t eaten lunch. We need to take the shoes back and in the future I’ll be stricter with our eating and resting schedule before we go to the mall.”
As I got to know Nelly I was able to become more self-disciplined and taking the shoes back was actually fun, because I was being a good mom. Self-discipline is necessary in order to be a happy adult, but that child in us will keep us young at heart for catching those happy moments.
I didn't know Nelly when I wrote the Happiness File with my sister, but re-reading it for the audio book, I could see that when I wrote from my heart, Nelly was right there with me. The book takes each month and gives ideas for having fun during that particular part of the year and using 3x5 cards for direction. Our goal was to recognize the happy moments that each month offers us and work them into our card file.
I just discovered I only have three (3) Happiness File Audio CD sets left. They will go fast, so if you want one, be sure to get it today. I will throw in the Happiness File ebook for those three who order the CDs. I'll watch for your order and manually give you the e-book.