I Hate Windows!
I wonder if there are job openings at Microsoft for geeks to help them really respond to the message I get at least ten times a day using Windows 7? Windows is checking for a solution to the problem. In all the years I’ve been getting that message, no one has ever gotten back to me with any solutions.
What I want to know is, is there really a guy in some bank as long as a football field of busy Microsoft operators, receiving a notice that my computer has a problem and is he trying to figure out why it won’t do what it’s supposed to do? I think there’s probably a bank of guys alright, but they’re all just sitting there 24/7 deleting that notice as fast as they come in. Why else would I never hear from anyone, ever? It’s like having a guy say to you after that first date, “I’ll call you.” Yeah right!
Windows is checking for a solution to the problem, yeah right! And our flag is red, white and purple. It was clever of Microsoft to come up with that little sign, and it’s even animated with a bar moving forward like some kind of cyberbiotic solution is cursing through my computer and within seconds Windows will be working again.
I wish I’d started out with a Mac like my friend Carole. She never had problems with her computer and I’ll bet she’s never gotten a sign that said, Apple is checking for a solution to the problem. She probably got invited to free classes and parties sponsored by Steve Jobs himself.
The other day when I tried to get on Quick Books but couldn’t because of some Windows problem they were checking on for a solution to, I thought about Carole and I decided to see if she’d help me switch to an Apple.
Ring, ring, ring,
“Hi Carole, it’s Pam.”
“Hey, you, how are you?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I’m checking for a solution to the problem.”
“What’s the problem.”
“I hate Windows!”
“Oh me too, I hired a guy to do mine.”
“No, I don’t mean that kind of windows, I mean Microsoft Windows.”
“Oh, I hate ‘em too. My computer’s only two months old and there are so many glitches, in fact about ten times a day a little box pops up and says something like, “Sorry someone’s trying to find the answer to your problem.”
“So you have Microsoft Windows on your Mac?”
“Oh, no, I finally gave up the Mac because of software I wanted that wouldn’t work on it.”
“Oh Carole, I think we’re stuck like a Ross Dress for Less price sticker that’s impossible to remove. I can’t live without my computer and yet I hate not knowing if my problems are really going to get fixed. I’m such an optimistic person and I always think things are going to improve which they almost always do. I think I’ve been using a Microsoft operating system for almost fifteen years and that’s how long I put up with my first husband always thinking he was going to change. I wonder how you get a divorce from Microsoft Windows?”
“Maybe you should go to a computer counselor first, before you make such a life altering decision.”
I hung up from Carole and tried to Google personal computer counseling and Bing (that’s Microsoft’s equivalent to Google) crowded onto my screen, disregarding my request for Google. So I asked it about personal computer counseling and I got a photo of the bank of Microsoft geeks deleting the Windows is checking for a solution to the problem requests.