Would you like to be happier in your marriage? 

For 15 years, I was in a very unhappy marriage. My husband was an extreme critic and I gave him plenty to criticize. I was disorganized, our three kids were disorganized and the house was buried in clutter.

I lost my joy until a minister gave me the most remarkable exercise to practice that allowed me to avoid being affected by this cranky man’s emotional issues! But the exercise did way more than that.

In our session together (I really only needed one to get me on track), I wept and shared how miserable I was because of HIM. I spewed my well-rehearsed criticism of HIS faults all over her office. Her response, “You are so lucky!” How could she say something so absurd? LUCKY? Give me a break! Well actually, she did give me a break.

If I'd been with an easy going man who didn't mind the mess, I never would have done the soul searching and growing that I was fortunate to do, and I never would have written any books to help others. Sometimes it blows my mind that if I didn't go through what I went through, there wouldn't be Flylady and you wouldn't be reading this blog.

(By the way, if you'd like to get organized just enough to please you, read my latest book, The JOY of Being Disorganized. It'll change the way you see your disorder, but more important, it'll change the way you see yourself.. 

That minister went on to tell me to imagine I had secured my spot in an elite training course that I should take full advantage of. “Every time HE does something to upset you, it’s the perfect time for YOU to practice letting it roll right off your back and work on your problem of being so disorganized. If you’ll set the intention of being happy no matter what HE does and get to work on your own issues, you’ll acquire one of the most valuable lessons there is to learn in life.”    

What’s interesting about setting an intention of being happy all the time and working on your own issues, is when something tries to pull you from that place, you can kick in and put yourself back on track to being happy and organized. Abraham Lincoln said: “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” He didn’t say much about being organized because rumor has it he was quite a messy fellow.

 When was the last time you smiled at yourself in the mirror?

Do your children like to be read to?

Have you heard people say, “The kids today have short attention spans because of electronics and quick-paced television for kids”? It’s true they’re used to watching three to four-second bytes and they enjoy fast-paced computer games, but to date I’ve never met a kid who doesn’t like to be read to. 

As I sat in the Kelso, WA Amtrak station waiting for a train that was 38 minutes late, I watched a grandmother read Curious George to her five-year-old grandson.

From my vantage point, she appeared to be a rather listless reader, void of expression, sound effects and lifted eyebrows accompanying some of Hans’ and Margaret’s incredible thoughts, yet the child was glued to his grandma’s side listening to the story! 

When the book was finished, I thought for sure he’d get up and run around the waiting room, but instead, he pulled another book from his backpack and she proceeded to read it in the same dreary way. The train turned out to be an hour late and the child remained interested in books the entire time. So much for short attention spans and quick-paced actions to keep a child’s attention.

So here are what I believe are 7 benefits of reading bedtime stories to your children.

Now that visual stimulation is served up via television, IPads, IPhones, Xbox etc., children rarely get to tap into their imaginations unless we read to them, or until they can read. As a child, I loved radio (it was before we had television) because my imagination provided the visuals. Because we don’t have kid radio, unless we read to our kids, their ability to use their precious imaginations and be able to visualize will weaken. 

I remember one Christmas, my daughter Peggy bought a bunch of children’s books at a neighborhood garage sale and recorded reading them on a cassette tape recorder for her non-reading cousins as gifts for Christmas. As adults, those cousins still speak of how they loved her gifts of being read to.

My husband Terry and I recorded books on CDs, the same way Peggy did with a cassette recorder. This way our grandchildren could listen to us read the books we gave them as gifts.

2. Creates a Bond

I received this email from a SHE (Sidetracked Home Executive) and it’s so inspiring I had to share it with you. I think we can take some advice from Heddy and I‘d like to thank her for sharing it with us. I’d love to hear about the fun you’re having! We do need to have more fun!

Dear Pam,

I let my inner child play MOST of the time because "I" never had a childhood.

I figure if all the email forwards from friends are "regrets" about not playing more and worrying too much, and not burning the pretty candle and wearing the special underwear, then "I'M not THAT girl!"

I'm NOT going to wait until I'm old to wear purple and if you haven't read that poem, Google it! [Pam here: Sorry to interrupt Heddy, but I included it in this blog.]

"I DO use the good china and I often eat my dessert first"

I wear my pearls ALL THE TIME, even when I'm jackhammering, or so I was reminded by a
Home Depot employee who looked at me with awe and admiration. I hadn't been aware of it, but I DO use the good china and I often eat my dessert first. I mean, it's NOT just a bumper sticker about life being too short...it IS and I dance in the rain (often naked) because I can. Ok...I'll admit it was on 7 fully fenced and VERY private acres, but hey, it was great when I COULD do it because now that we're living in suburbia it's not likely to happen without me being arrested, so...NO REGRETS! I DID IT! 

And I continue to DO the things that others only wish they could.

The House Fairy not only encourages and inspires your children to clean their rooms and keep them clean...she also helps with good manners. This video might even enlighten some adults you know.

It's so much fun getting to know some of you on a personal basis through the consultations I’m now doing through the summer. I’ve learned so much about how alike we all are in our SHEness (Sidetracked Home Executive-ness). To learn more about a consultation please go to www.cluborganized.com  then to the Get Organized tab.

I recently talked to a very fun-loving and brilliant SHE named Pat, who emailed an update a few weeks after our talk. She has been gracious to let me share her thoughts. 

She said, “I enjoy creating a mess. That's part of the trouble I had a long time ago; I couldn't understand why I should clean up such tiny messes, when it felt so fun to clean up a big mess. Unfortunately, after a while I just kept putting off the cleaning up until it was too big a mess to clean up!”

When I read that comment, it made me think about the Ta Da affect we SHEs love. I thought about what Pat said about liking to make a mess because it’s fun to clean up! I liked it too. I remember when Mr. Cranky (my first husband) would go on the road (he was a traveling salesman) I’d let the house unravel. It was soothing and relaxing to have him gone. He’d be gone four days at a time and that’s enough time to create some very big messes that verged on scary!

Give it up

When my sister and I got organized, we both discovered we had to let go of the need for a Ta Da moment. There’s no Ta Da in a little clean-up, so we have to get used to mini Ta Da moments.

1. If your home is immaculate and running like a well-oiled clock.

2. Your family begs to help with household chores.

3. You’re happy with your weight.

4. You’re wealthy and debt free.

5. You have a team of professional housecleaners who come and clean daily.

6. You are ecstatic with your marriage.

7. Okay, I thought of another one, you’re never late.

If these reasons aren’t yours, read more. Disorganization affects every area of your life; your finances, your health, your relationships, your stress level and I’m sure you can think of more ways it affects your life.

A Little Organization Goes a Long Way

Getting organized just enough to please you, is the goal. The only reason to get organized is so that life doesn’t get in the way of YOU. When you’re disorganized, you let life run you as you stomp out fires caused by your disorganization. But a little organization goes a long way. Just getting in the habit of looking at your calendar every evening and then again in the morning will increase your level of organization tenfold!

What can be discouraging is trying to get organized when you’re in a huge mess and you don’t know
where to start. That’s like trying to waterski under water. If you’ve ever waterskied you know getting up is the part that takes the most effort, but once you’re on top of the water that’s when the fun begins. It’s exactly the same with being organized in your life. Once you’ve established just a few good habits and you get into a routine that serves you, you’ll glide along with ease. It’s the establishing part that takes a little extra effort. 

Where Should You Start?

Is your kitchen streamlined, efficient and a joy to cook in? A couple of weeks ago, I took you on a pity trip and so many of you went with me! I loved all your responses and I think the “trip” helped many pare down the contents of their clothes closets! You all are so fun! If you didn’t take the pity trip with me and if your clothes closet contains more than what you love and wear today be sure and read my blog, Let’s Take a Pity Trip .

Today I’m throwing a pity party and I hope you’ll have one too.This exercise is designed to help you dejunk your kitchen. Let’s pretend we’re going to throw a huge dinner party, only, just like on the pity trip you have to pretend you’re disadvantaged and this party is going to be as wretched as you can make it. 

You’ll be Serving Bad Food

First, you’ll need to search in the cupboards and freezer for old food. You know any cans or packaged products with words like “best by 7/14,” and frozen stuff you don’t recognize (and never will). Of course all the bad food needs to go in the garbage, but there’s nothing stopping you from pretending you’re going to make a giant and disgusting casserole out of all of it for the big pity event. 

Second, you’re going to look at all your serving dishes with new eyes. Are there bowls, and plates that you never use, not even during the holidays? Are your glasses foggy from age? A good way to look at your stuff with new eyes is to pretend you’re at a thrift store and ask yourself, as you look at each plate, bowl and glass, “would I buy this?” See if you can fill a big garbage bag with kitchen utensils, silverware, glasses, mugs, chipped bowls and plates, and pans you haven’t used since 7/05. 

On the 4^th of July of this year, Terry and I had a dinner party for two other couples. As I was looking in my kitchen cupboards with entertaining in mind, I realized there were so many serving pieces I just don’t use anymore and I promised myself that after the party, I was going to dejunk my kitchen of them. That’s when I decided to pretend to have a pity party. It helped me get to the bottom of why I wasn’t using a lot of what I passed over in preparing for the 4^th.

Go Backwards

WHAT??!!  How can I possibly be suggesting things to do NOW for Christmas...it's just under 180 days away?

And that's exactly the point; start doing things now and you'll have the smoothest, easiest holiday time you've ever had.

I asked one of our sister SHEs, Greta Heddy,  for some help. Here's what she wrote: 

I know it seems early for us SHEs, but you might want to start now so you'll be ready for Christmas or Chanukah. If you’re like me, you have a vague idea of what to do, but never get around to it until December is upon you. Here are seven things you, I mean, we can do right now to be organized for Christmas!

1.  Gifts  List everyone you want to give gifts to. Family, friends, letter carrier, hair dresser, whoever. If you know what you're getting them, great! (Consider cash and use Pam’s Right on the Money Stickers. Write it down beside each name. Organize any gifts you already have. Get boxes, label them, and hide them where no one will find them except you. Wrap and label each gift when you buy it.

2.  Budget  Set a dollar limit for each person. My husband and I always had a $100 limit for each child. As I shopped, I knew when to stop. It made buying and looking for bargains much more fun. Oh – and add in extra money for postage and shipping. If you are traveling this December, remember the cost of plane tickets or other travel expenses. budget

Do  you ever wish your kids would simply hang up clothes or put them in the laundry rather than dropping them on the floor or tossing them over a chair?

If your kids are three to ten, the House Fairy can help you help your kids get chores done and get out to play.

Watch this short video and see if they like what the House Fairy has to say about helping Mom and Dad.

 4 Ways Not to Be Late

Do you have a reputation for being late? Have you ever thought that punctuality could be fun? If not, maybe that’s why you’re always late! Do you know punctuality is a habit? Of course you do. I was always late until I realized that punctuality is part of gracious living and then I found out it’s actually fun to get there early! There’s just too much stress in being late but you already know that. The good news is, tardiness is an easy habit to fix! Here are 4 ways not to be late.

1. The Victoria Secret Technique

Have you ever had a super bra? Victoria Secret has an amazing one. It literally takes all the fat from under your arms, and I think some of it from your back and pulls the excess fat into its cups! Voila, whatever cup-size you are, they get overloaded and you’ve got cleavage! What does this have to do with being punctual? Well, time is like fat. We all have it and we can manipulate it to our advantage.
 

Here’s how it works. Say you make a dental appointment for 3:00; put it on your calendar for 2:00 (be sure to write what it’s for). By the time the appointment rolls around, of course you’ll have forgotten your “Victoria Secret” and you’ll get to the appointment at the average time you run late (you do have an average) so say around 2:14.

The Victoria Secret Technique has just given you several gifts, including 46 minutes. First, you get the exhilaration of being early! If you’re always late you just don’t know what it feels like to be early! Second, in order to follow through with this gift from the secret, you need to have a BUT bag (BUT stands for Back Up Tasks). So, in that 46 minutes, you’ll have time to take care of tasks you’ve put in the bag to do while you wait. Your cup over-floweth with time!

Punctuality is showing high esteem for other people and their time.

The Victoria Secret Technique will help you fix your relationship with time and improve your relationships with those you’ve caused to wait for you. After all, punctuality is showing high esteem for other people and their time.

Contents of my BUT Bag    

1.Small note pad and pen for writing down brilliant ideas Nelly (my inner child) or I come up with

2. Needle and thread (white, black and beige), scissors and items to mend or hand stitch as they present themselves
3. Thank You Notes/envelopes/stamps
4. Inspirational book
5. Manicure kit
6. Dental floss
7. Magnifying mirror and tweezers

8.Cell phone (has addresses in it)

9. Back up projects

2. The Cheap Ugly Watch Trick