---
title: How to Win Couple's Common, Clutter Conflicts
description: One of the biggest arguments in a marriage is over clutter. Learn how to win in the clutter conflict.
image: http://blog.makeitfunanditwillgetdone.com/hs-fs/hub/341571/file-1360456742-jpg/1_Adam_and_Eve.jpg
---

# [How to Win Couple's Common, Clutter Conflicts](https://blog.cluborganized.com/expert-shares-how-to-fight-with-your-spouse-and-win)

### **![as_seen_on.jpg](https://blog.cluborganized.com/hs-fs/file-2458674587-jpg/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa/as_seen_on.jpg?width=103&name=as_seen_on.jpg "as_seen_on.jpg")**

### **4 Steps to Win**

 

Are you always arguing with your mate over a messy house?  
Do you think clutter control would help? Would you stop arguing if this problem were solved?

If you answered yes to these questions, I might be able to help! I must warn you I’m not a marriage counselor and I am on my second marriage, but I have learned some successful spatting skills in the 41 years I’ve been married and you just might find them helpful.

My ideas will work for many fights, but to illustrate my strategies, I decided to pick a fight that’s common among couples; clutter control conflicts. (Wow that’s a tongue twister: **couple’s common clutter control conflicts**. I dare you to try and say it five times without screwing up.) The underlying cause of this conflict is stuff. It’s the, my-stuff vs your-stuff which is the most common cause of a bout about clutter. One sees his stuff as his stuff and the other guy’s stuff as clutter and it works the other way around. It’s a blame game and couples have been playing it since Adam and Eve argued about whose leaf was whose that got tossed on the ground.

 

The other common clutter clashes ignite when stuff gets lost, stuff gets left out, stuff gets thrown out, stuff gets wrecked, stuff gets dirty and stuff gets stuffed just to get it out of the way.

One thing you might be thinking is that planning to win a fight is manipulative, conniving, sneaky and conspiratorial especially coming from a woman, but wait a minute! Our history is filled with male heroes who won wars because,*** hello***, they planned them. Men have created War Colleges, boot camps and military handbooks to win wars, so we are perfectly within our feminine rights to plan to win our battles and especially a war on the other guy’s clutter. Why do we get labeled as manipulative and men get turned into bronze statues for doing the same thing?

So with this fight in mind, I hope you’ll read my ideas for winning it.

### **Step One:**

The first step in this specific war is to put all your stuff away. I know it’s a preemptive strike, but it works every time. With all your stuff put away, it’s going to be obvious that he needs to do a little clean up.

 

 **Step Two:**

Don’t bring up a problem with a man who hasn’t eaten in the last three hours. Feed him first and include lots of protein followed by just a taste of something sweet.

  

### **Step Three:**

Don’t argue in your grubbies, or pajamas (unless it’s a sexy negligee). Argue when you   
are dressed up, well coiffed and have make-up on. I call it the Doris Day  ploy. Remember she always had fights with her leading men and she always looked adorable.

Or you can choose the Marilyn Monroe trick, but that one requires showing off cleavage and you’ll still need to have your make-up on although it’s not as important. It doesn’t hurt to use your Marilyn Monroe voice and never let it rise into the frequency of fingernails on the blackboard range. Tip: If you keep your voice just above a whisper he’ll have to listen harder.

### **Step Four:**

 

Have a plan. Be organized going into the spat by following steps one, two and three. Have a goal that is clear (a clutter-free living room for example). 

The reward for a clutter-free home is peace. Lead your adversary into the battle front understanding the reward. We all want peace so there needn’t be a battle in the first place.

So you’ve got the plan, now go put away your stuff, feed him, get cute and bring it on.

Thank you for reading my blog! I hope you’ll share it with your friends and family. If you like my thinking here, you'll love my new book The Joy of Being Disorganized! It’ll help you see yourself with new eyes. You are so precious and your ability to get in a mess is a gift. If you haven’t thought of it this way, reading this book will change your mind and change your life. 

If this blog has shed new light on your marriage, you'll like this blog I wrote [http://blog.cluborganized.com/save-your-marriage-with-hors-doeuvres](https://blog.cluborganized.com/save-your-marriage-with-hors-doeuvres) . 

Love,

![JOY_Book](https://blog.cluborganized.com/hs-fs/file-1153074032-jpg/AAAAAAA/JOY_Book.jpg?width=158&name=JOY_Book.jpg)

![aaanewestsig.jpg](https://blog.cluborganized.com/hs-fs/file-2613289110-jpg/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa/aaanewestsig.jpg?width=71&name=aaanewestsig.jpg "aaanewestsig.jpg")

 

 

 

P.S. Please sign up for my blog in the space to the right at the top of the page. 

[![The Joy of Being Disorganized](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/341571/dfdbd34b-63a7-4993-8937-d1d31891b25d.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/341571/dfdbd34b-63a7-4993-8937-d1d31891b25d)

- [Tweet](https://twitter.com/share)

### Subscribe to Pam's Blog!

### Recommended Posts

### Posts by Month

- [July 2022 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2022/07)
- [March 2022 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2022/03)
- [February 2022 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2022/02)
- [January 2022 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2022/01)
- [December 2021 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/12)
- [October 2021 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/10)
- [September 2021 (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/09)
- [August 2021 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/08)
- [July 2021 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/07)
- [June 2021 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/06)
- [May 2021 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/05)
- [March 2021 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/03)
- [February 2021 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/02)
- [January 2021 (15)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2021/01)
- [November 2020 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/11)
- [October 2020 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/10)
- [September 2020 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/09)
- [August 2020 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/08)
- [July 2020 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/07)
- [June 2020 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/06)
- [May 2020 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/05)
- [April 2020 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/04)
- [March 2020 (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/03)
- [February 2020 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/02)
- [January 2020 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2020/01)
- [December 2019 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/12)
- [November 2019 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/11)
- [October 2019 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/10)
- [September 2019 (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/09)
- [August 2019 (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/08)
- [July 2019 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/07)
- [June 2019 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/06)
- [May 2019 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/05)
- [April 2019 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/04)
- [March 2019 (17)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/03)
- [February 2019 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/02)
- [January 2019 (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2019/01)
- [December 2018 (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/12)
- [November 2018 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/11)
- [October 2018 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/10)
- [September 2018 (6)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/09)
- [August 2018 (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/08)
- [July 2018 (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/07)
- [June 2018 (10)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/06)
- [May 2018 (8)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/05)
- [April 2018 (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/04)
- [March 2018 (10)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/03)
- [February 2018 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/02)
- [January 2018 (10)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2018/01)
- [December 2017 (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/12)
- [November 2017 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/11)
- [October 2017 (19)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/10)
- [September 2017 (15)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/09)
- [August 2017 (14)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/08)
- [July 2017 (16)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/07)
- [June 2017 (8)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/06)
- [May 2017 (12)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/05)
- [April 2017 (16)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/04)
- [March 2017 (12)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/03)
- [February 2017 (8)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/02)
- [January 2017 (6)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2017/01)
- [December 2016 (8)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/12)
- [November 2016 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/11)
- [October 2016 (12)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/10)
- [September 2016 (12)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/09)
- [August 2016 (14)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/08)
- [July 2016 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/07)
- [June 2016 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/06)
- [May 2016 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/05)
- [April 2016 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/04)
- [March 2016 (12)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/03)
- [February 2016 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/02)
- [January 2016 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2016/01)
- [December 2015 (14)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/12)
- [November 2015 (14)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/11)
- [October 2015 (14)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/10)
- [September 2015 (9)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/09)
- [August 2015 (12)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/08)
- [July 2015 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/07)
- [June 2015 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/06)
- [May 2015 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/05)
- [April 2015 (14)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/04)
- [March 2015 (11)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/03)
- [February 2015 (12)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/02)
- [January 2015 (15)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2015/01)
- [December 2014 (14)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/12)
- [November 2014 (10)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/11)
- [October 2014 (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/10)
- [August 2014 (9)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/08)
- [July 2014 (8)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/07)
- [June 2014 (6)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/06)
- [May 2014 (6)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/05)
- [April 2014 (6)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/04)
- [March 2014 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/03)
- [February 2014 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2014/02)
- [August 2013 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/08)
- [July 2013 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/07)
- [June 2013 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/06)
- [May 2013 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/05)
- [April 2013 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/04)
- [March 2013 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/03)
- [February 2013 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/02)
- [January 2013 (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2013/01)
- [December 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/12)
- [November 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/11)
- [October 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/10)
- [September 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/09)
- [August 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/08)
- [July 2012 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/07)
- [June 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/06)
- [May 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/05)
- [April 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/04)
- [March 2012 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/03)
- [February 2012 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/02)
- [January 2012 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2012/01)
- [December 2011 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/12)
- [November 2011 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/11)
- [October 2011 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/10)
- [September 2011 (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/09)
- [August 2011 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/08)
- [July 2011 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/07)
- [May 2011 (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/05)
- [April 2011 (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/04)
- [March 2011 (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/archive/2011/03)

[see all](https://blog.cluborganized.com/expert-shares-how-to-fight-with-your-spouse-and-win#)

### Posts by Topic

- [Happiness (122)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/happiness)
- [Young@Heart Articles (112)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/youngheart-articles)
- [Featured (83)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/featured)
- [Young@Heart Videos (71)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/youngheart-videos)
- [Recipes (64)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/recipes)
- [On Being Organized / Disorganized (61)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/on-being-organized-disorganized)
- [Cooking Videos (59)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/cooking-videos)
- [Organization (53)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/organization)
- [De-Cluttering (46)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/de-cluttering)
- [Being a Mom (44)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/being-a-mom)
- [Habits (42)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/habits)
- [Tools for Moms (36)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/tools-for-moms)
- [Fitness (31)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/fitness)
- [Health (28)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/health)
- [Relationships (26)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/relationships)
- [family (23)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/family)
- [succeed (20)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/succeed)
- [Raising Children (19)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/raising-children)
- [get organized (19)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/get-organized)
- [Articles (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/articles)
- [Family Games (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/family-games)
- [Playing with Kids (13)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/playing-with-kids)
- [Daily Thought, (9)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/daily-thought)
- [Daily Thoughts (8)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/daily-thoughts)
- [Cleaning (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/cleaning)
- [How to Clean Videos (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/how-to-clean-videos)
- [Monday Morning for Moms (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/monday-morning-for-moms)
- [de-junking (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/de-junking)
- [holidays (7)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/holidays)
- [recipes, cooking, low carb (6)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/recipes-cooking-low-carb)
- [stay at home mom (6)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/stay-at-home-mom)
- [Entertainment for Mom (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/entertainment-for-mom)
- [inner child (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/inner-child)
- [peace of mind (5)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/peace-of-mind)
- [Manners and Children (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/manners-and-children)
- [christmas (4)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/christmas)
- [Children's Rooms (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/childrens-rooms)
- [food (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/food)
- [organizing clothes closet (3)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/organizing-clothes-closet)
- [House Fairy Videos (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/house-fairy-videos)
- [being debt-free (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/being-debt-free)
- [belated thank you notes (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/belated-thank-you-notes)
- [gardening (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/gardening)
- [money (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/money)
- [procrastination (2)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/procrastination)
- [The Cleaner Guy (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/the-cleaner-guy)
- [faith (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/faith)
- [forgiveness (1)](https://blog.cluborganized.com/topic/forgiveness)

[see all](https://blog.cluborganized.com/expert-shares-how-to-fight-with-your-spouse-and-win#)

© 2014, Pamela I. Young, All Rights Reserved